I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
