my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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