I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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