happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
My dad just said "fuck circus"
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
