Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
You may now shotgun with the bride
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
