If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
