Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
