just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Randomize
