You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
