who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
