I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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