i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
