is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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