I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
