There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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