my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
