i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
