btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
