New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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