Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Pants are for mortals
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