Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
