How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
