I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
