Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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