so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
