sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
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