Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
50% drunk capacity currently
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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