The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
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