I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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