We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
