Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
