i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
