Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
