420 ftw
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
