A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Randomize
