He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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