Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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