hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
50% drunk capacity currently
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Randomize
