I am puke
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
