So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
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