Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
