I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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