I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
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