Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
