Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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