you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
