I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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