Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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