If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize
