I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
