"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
He passed out mid-signature
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
