I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
