Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
