I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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